Tavros’s Poetry

((This is the poetry page. All poems are originally written by myself, with some references to songs and such. Just pretend Tav writes them. ))

The Repair
inspired by Fix You By: Coldplay.

You know, I never really started out strong. 

I never had much to believe in what so ever, that one person who got stuck in the limbo of hope and hopelessness. Something I could never comprehend, something I felt I could not escape. Tragedy mad matters worse. 

I was already broken before, now destroyed. What could I do? Life had once been simple, head down,mouth shut. Now, it’s become complicated, head down, mouth shut, don’t march on. Be pathetic, be broken. Be a pawn, be the most miserable you can. 

Well, that was selfish. Or maybe I’m the self one? That didn’t matter though. Because everything was broken. That was that. 

Dreams, 

hopes, 

wonders. 

All broken into pieces that could not be reformed. 

That smallest shards, all around me, and stuck in my heart. 
I bled, I sobbed. I was just as broken. There was no light, only dark. Sometimes something would imitate light, simulate it for me, just so I could see into the distance once more. For just a moment, until darkness again. No one tried to see, no one tried to find me, no one wanted to talk, I was lost, and broken. 

But then, there was a light. A light so bright, I thought it was God coming to take me home. I was part way right, for it was an angel. This angel, fixed me. Took all the shards, and put them back together.

The angel made my dreams,

my hopes,

my wonders,

all flood back to me in a flood of passion and emotion.

I could feel again, I could see again. I was found.

I could finally be me. 

I could finally fly. 

And that angel, has stayed with me to this day, watching over me, keeping me in the arms of safety and happiness. That angel is always there to tell me: Everything will be okay. 

You know why? 

Because that angel will always be there to fix me. 

When everything cracks, and breaks. 

When All my dreams turn into to dust,

all my hopes to sand,

and all my wonders to sorrows,

that angel will be there,

to guide me home.

And put me back together again.

Something I must find. 

 Something is brewing in a temporal sense, 

6th sense, something missing. 

Something I don’t know, 

but I’m close to. 

Something I can hold, 

but I cannot feel. 

My mind is lost, 

it’s strained, 

what is this turmoil that I face? 

What can I do?

Maybe if I was someone different,

maybe in a different life,

I would know.

Who can I be that understands? 

I haven’t found that person yet.

I haven’t found myself.

So I can never find you.

I can never feel you.

Because I’m not me,

but you are you. 

Rotting away. 

My temporal state of mind seems to be going stale. 
It’s gotten so rotten along with the vanes in around my heart. 
I can’t seem to see straight, 
God what a dim blur. 
Even the blur’s not bright. 
There is no bright, 
even if there is, 
there’s dim to balance it away. 
To make me stumble and fall, 
upside down again. 
Unhappy again. 
Even still, 
God sends more bullshit. 
He wants so see how strong I am, 
but like any others who test me, 
it makes me week of heart. 
My faith vanishes and fades, 
then becomes solid again. 
Because what else do I have If I don’t have that? 
I believe all I have now is isolation.
Not that isolation is that terrible. 
Even though I have this unknown hatred of being alone. 
Alone 
Alone 
Alone. 
Like a ringing in my ears. 
Even when I’m home, 
it still constantly rings. 
Much worse than any phone. 
Even as isolation surrounds me in the form of darkness, 
what do I do? 
What can I do? 
I can’t save myself. 
I tried and fail. 
And we all know I quit all the time. 
I quit on being me. 
I quit being anyone else. 
The someone else quits  on me. 
What a wonder example they are. 
So  wonderful I grit my teeth and rip away my hair. 
As much as I hate feeling pain, 
I love to inflict it. 
Why not on myself? 
For others to the same.  
The force me to feel more
pain. 
Pain. 
PAIN.
God damn pain. 
Can I go home now? 
I feel tired. 
I feel lightheaded. 
It’s so hot. 
I still can’t see straight.
You know, they say. 
People are a gift from God. 
But, maybe for me they have become I curse. 
They’re part of my disease. 
But they’re also the cure.  
But for now, 
I think enough has been said. 
Bring me the needles and the pills, 
get this shit out of my head. 
I don’t want to sleep. 
I don’t want to, but
what else can I do. 
Even if sleeping is a hell I can’t escape. 
I rather be there then here.

 “The beast lives out of the raging storm in the dead of night.

The ravenous, blood-sick creatures searches for it’s sacrifice
Through the hideous darkness, it lurches, driven by death itself
Only the satisfaction of slaughter will cause it to return to
The darkness from which it came”
-Insane Clown Posse

Sacrifice. 

Though, taming beast is my job.
It’s something I do.

But I really don’t think I can tame you.
Your anger overpowers me from where I sit.
Eyes a glow with a thirst,
only to be satisfied with blood.
Yes, I understand.
This hunger has lingered inside you for so long.
But please understand,
you know this isn’t you.
Or has that beast in your mind,
Devoured your soul?
Is is too late,
For me to save you?
To pull you back from it’s hideous jaws?
If it is,
Then you can have my blood too.
For I have failed you.
If I can’t bring you back,
Then I deserve this fate.
But not before I give one more effort to elate.
If you’re still there,
Please hear me.
Hear my voice.
I’m calling for you.
For it’s all I can do.
My voice is my only power,
I can’t even stand.

My legs cripple and broken,
Tremors through my hands.
I will find you,
I will reach you.
Or I will die too.
Please come back,
because I can’t live without you.